I'm melting.
Well. I would, if I went outside.
For once the sun is shining and it's hot.
Unfortunately, it's too hot for me.
I'd love to sunbathe, but I don't do heat well. (Sunbathe in a spot where no one would be shocked at seeing this white elephant lying in the grass, that is!)
I used to be able to cope with it, but not anymore. Heat makes me miserable. I prefer cold.
I mean, I can always add layers — but it's kinda hard taking off more than you got lol.
I think they'd object if I came to work in a bikini. That's if I'd wear bikinis. Which I don't. Ever.
It's funny really. You know on your passport application they ask for "Distinguishing Marks". Well, I lie. Every time. I put "None".
Which really isn't true.
The trouble is, I've always put none, and never really thought about it. But I have them. Marks completely unique to me. If I listed all of them, I'd need new pages in my passport.
I mean… I have two birthmarks on the side of my nose. A scar on my forehead. A scar at the top of my forehead. A scar at the back of my head. A scar in the crook of my left arm. A scar on the ball of my right hand. A scar on my left hip. A scar at the top of my left thigh (several, actually). A scar on my right hip. Another birthmark on my right hip. And a minefield of scars on my belly. (And all but a few of those scars are from one bout of appendicitis…)
There are more, less visible scars, but dang… I'm not listing all that! I hide them. (Hence no bikini.) I'm severely self-conscious about them to the point that I will never ever wear anything that shows my belly.
I truly don't like summer, when all those beautiful bods come out and show off their unscarred smoothness. Hate it.
I once asked my doctor if there is anything they could do about those belly scars (Trust me, we aren't talking about some piddly 1 inch scar here.) and I was told "Well… there's no guarantee they can make it look any better."
Frankly?
I've lived with it for 40 years. Better looking is relative. To me, being able to get rid of the dent in my belly is "better". To me, lifting up those holes I got everywhere, is "better".
This stuff isn't just deep, it's wide.

I know it's vanity, but knowing those scars are there is depressing, especially in summer. I don't like being stared at, which would happen the second I wore a bikini.
So I don't.

*sigh*