This is where I live at the moment.
It is a German “Jagdschloß” (Hunting Castle) in Lower Saxony.
There is a Rocky Mountain Stud there, where I work as a groom, looking after 50+ horses.
(As far as my cat is concerned, my job is to play “Stick and String” with her all day.)
Hard work, I can tell you that much. (Especially since I play Stick and String when I get in!)
My apartment is inside the castle, and things really do go bump in the night — even though it’s usually just the pipes banging / vibrating. Or the cat, trying to liberate something from a cardboard box.
I’ve been here since October 2015, and I’m no closer to figuring out what to do with my life, than I was 5 months ago.
There doesn’t seem to be much point to life, without Paul. Yes, I can go anywhere I want (sort of), do what I like (in a way), and my enthusiasm is practically nil.
I still have oodles of stuff to do, and sort out, and absolutely no drive to do it. I don’t know if others get this way too, but I know I just don’t even want to think about it. I do want it sorted, but I’m far away at the moment and it’s not that easy.
It’s not helped by not having much (if any) help from anyone.
If I didn’t have Pixie and Oz…well. Who knows.
But alas, I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy again. I feel Paul’s loss more every day, and I miss him. God, how I miss him.
Love isn’t physical, you know? Yes, I miss the physical intimacy, the hugs, the kisses. But I miss sharing more. Thoughts, ideas, aspirations, setbacks, experiences – you name it. I so often ask Paul for his opinion, and it hurts not having it.
Anyway, I won’t bore you with all that.
Spring is outside the door at the moment, birds are chirping (much to Pixie’s delight) and the grass and trees are sloooowly taking on a greener hue.
The first foals have arrived. Much work to do!
Which means… it is time to go to work!