I was chatting with a friend about descriptions, and something she said stuck with me.

"Work around it."

I thought that was pretty good advice.
She’s right, of course.
I use clichés far too much. It’s an easy mistake to make, and one that can be just as easily fixed — if you notice you used a cliché. Most of the time I don’t.
However, often I just get stuck at how to put the words so they’ll lead to something natural sounding, without boring the reader.
Something to lead the readers imagination, rather than stifle it.
Try giving your characters an edge by the way you describe them. Give them something memorable.
Easier said than done.

I took a sentence from my current WIP, which attempts to convey the sound of the hero’s voice to the reader.

His low voice sent shivers down her spine.

Not too bad, but nothing outstanding. Nothing that makes the reader remember it. And I end it with a cliché, of all things.
I stared at this sentence for hours.
How to make it better, how to get rid of the cliché?
How to turn it into something that gives the reader an idea why my heroine is so affected by his voice? Her first impression of him is shaped by the sound of his voice. She hasn’t seen him yet, so it needs to be powerful. The sentence above doesn’t cut it. At all.

This is the sentence after I thought to give it a bit of pop.

The man’s low voice had a cadence all of its own. He didn’t need to speak loudly, or yell. The resonance of his voice commanded attention, even though he spoke quietly. The sound of it promised dark things, whispered of tangled sheets and decadent pleasure.
A shiver made the hair on Felicia’s arms rise with expectation.

Although he still has a low voice, now we have a bit of an inkling that the guy has an unusual voice. A sexy voice. One that makes the heroine sit up and take note. And squirm.

Try it for yourself some time. Take an ordinary short, boring sentence, and add some snap, crackle and uh… fizz.
Work around it, basically.

Tags: Cliche, Descriptions, working around it